Having a REALLY tough time lately, have been dreaming about Evan alot. Just seems like babies are everywhere, 5 of us were pregnant at work, all have had their babies since and mine was the only one who didn’t make it. One of my best friends is due to be induced on Wednesday and I just found out another friend is pregnant. Yesterday I was at the farmers market with my husband and there were all these daddies with little tiny babies strapped to them in various baby carriers. I had so many dreams of doing that same thing with Evan, in fact I even have 3 different styles of baby carriers I intended to carry him around in. Sigh! Its all so depressing, so very very depressing. I want to hold a baby so badly, I just need a baby. Like I said when I was in the hospital after he died, and I can say again and again, I have a new level of understanding with those women who steal babies from the hospital nurseries, of course I would never do that cause I know how much it would hurt another mom somewhere, and well I am sane, but I understand. There is such an overwhelming powerful need to hold a baby in your arms, to feel them close to you, and we have nothing, left with empty arms and a broken heart soft and saggy breasts and tummy to just go on living life like we were not pregnant at all. Just over 2 months since my baby was born still at full term plus and we still dont know how or why and the pain is still so raw.